“In the land of the blind, the one-eyed man is king.” 

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I mentioned this to a dear friend over dinner, as we pondered the recent political developments in two countries (one in which he now lives, and one in which he was born: both of which feature a loud, brash political leader/hopeful).

How is this relevant to coaching?

Well, it’s two things: one is the degree of certainty that someone else has relative to you and how that influences your decision making, perceptions, beliefs, and actions. The other is how much certainty one needs and how blind spots can be our undoing when we cling to that certainty.

The first point is that of others having more certainty than you. Take the example of a corporate organization, be it a startup, medium enterprise or an MNC. Within a corporate hierarchy, the person with the most certainty (real or perceived) is the leader. This colors the way others respond to, interact with and follow them.

Over lunch with a client, she even put it this way: “My former colleagues are, individually, the nicest, warmest people I know. But once they walk through those office doors, they do things they know aren’t ethically above board. They know it. Why do they still do it?”

It’s not just at work. How often has someone told you that they feel uncomfortable with what they say or do, but do it anyway because they feel they need to. Out of obligation, to attract or maintain a relationship, to be seen in a certain light by others; the list goes on.

The other part of the subject of certainty and how it influences our beliefs, thoughts, words and behaviour, is how much certainty you need in your life.

Tony Robbins, who has coached some of the world’s most influential people, and was named as Accenture’s top 50 business intellectuals, said that, “The quality of your life is in direct proportion to the amount of uncertainty you can comfortably deal with.”

What does this mean to all of us? If you need certainty and it is on the top of your list of six key human needs, then this will determine everything about how you see, feel, and experience life. In order to feel certainty, people will follow procedures, instructions and what are deemed to be norms by society and the organizations and communities we live in, often without questioning those rules.

These are in place for a reason for society to exist. The distinction I am making is, how much of these rules dictate our daily lives out of a need for certainty? If we feel stuck, do we question those norms and beliefs? Or are we too scared to do so, for fear of losing certainty?

When you get stuck, one question to ask yourself is whether someone else’s certainty is influencing the way you behave or think? What patterns, questions and “facts” are you telling yourself to do what you’re doing, that make you feel stuck? What could you do to ensure you have integrity with your true self when interacting with others? What else is possible?

The next time you feel stuck or conflicted about something, explore this a little. Questions have power. So ask yourself, am I feeling this way because I need certainty in this area of my life? What would happen if I could open myself to a new way of being in this situation? What is possible, if I were to change the meaning of this situation?

 

Visit The Light Quotient to find out more about Avalyn’s work. 

_{This article was originally published on The Light Quotient and has been reposted on Executive Lifestyle with the permission of the author.
Edited by Nedda Chaplin}

_{Image credit: Portrait of successful businessman talking on mobile phone from Shutterstock}

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