In The Spotlight: Dr. Martha Tara Lee, Clinical Sexologist And Founder of Eros Coaching
Contributed by
Dr Martha Tara Lee
August 16, 2016
A pioneer in sex and sexuality issues, Martha Lee takes some time out of her busy schedule to talk to Executive Lifestyle about her career beginnings, the challenges in her area of expertise and more!
Before Finding Her True Calling
I am a clinical sexologist and the founder of Eros Coaching; I have been conducting sexuality and relationship coaching, and running sexuality education events in Asia since 2009. I utilize my years of experience in professional communications and volunteer counseling to optimize my coaching work. I’ve worked with a lot of couples who have unconsummated marriages; men and women with sexual inhibitions and sexual desire discrepancies; men with erection and ejaculation concerns; kink folks and those with sexual identification and orientation questions. I incorporate a blend of conventional and alternative approaches and draw upon a variety of styles and techniques to support each client as they work to resolve both current problems and long-standing patterns.
Prior to this, in 2005, I founded Youth Employment (Singapore) (YES), a youth-initiated non-profit society aimed at establishing itself as a focal resource point for youths in employment. I spent three years on this project — two of which I ran the organisation full time, working on administrative matters, recruiting volunteers, and even organising fundraisers. Before YES, I worked in corporate communications for eight years.
On Her Career Path
Leaving the corporate world after eight years for a non-profit in 2006 was a scary step as my future, including my source of income, was uncertain. And having done that, it made me realise that there are many different models of lifestyle which may work better for different people. I honed my counseling skills during that period and realized I wanted to help people through running my own company.
Around that time, I noticed media reports of rising sexually transmitted infections (STI) rates and teenage pregnancy statistics in Singapore and began to wonder why no one ever helped to promote a healthy and positive attitude to sex. Since I had always been interested in sex, I decided to specialize in human sexuality and left to pursue a doctorate in Human Sexuality from the Institute for Advanced Study of Human Sexuality in the United States. Immediately after graduation, Eros Coaching was born.
My changed careers from a non-profit executive to a full-time counselor might seem worlds apart. However, in both jobs, I am able to help people. The only difference is the target audience and subject matter.
On Facing Challenges As A Professional
The title “clinical sexologist” alone does raise some eyebrows in Singapore’s relatively conservative society, but only because most are unfamiliar with this field. I’ve been discriminated against when trying to book for advertisements, as well as an event venue. It can hurt sometimes because I am certified, professional and doing good work in helping relationships and people. Seven years on, I still get jokes, insults and countless questions by random strangers in my face. It can be exhausting.
A common question I receive is whether my family approved of my pursuing this field. This is very much a cultural question, since I don’t suppose my counterparts get as many questions of this nature. It’s less about being Singaporean or Chinese but the way I raised myself. My attitude has always been that this is my life and I lead it the way I feel is best for me.
The Joys Of Being An Entrepreneur
Contrary to what some people who don’t know me might think, I don’t live for the fame. I won’t even consider my two published books (Love, Sex and Everything In-Between and Orgasmic Yoga) to be my biggest accomplishments. I live for helping my clients. The best thing about my job is seeing the glimmer of hope on the faces of clients, reigniting the sparkle of light in their eyes and, of course, helping them overcome their sexual difficulties and consequently achieve a more fulfilling life. For the most part, it is thankless and I keep at it because I live for the miracles I help facilitate. As a pioneer in this field, I know I am creating a movement of more social acceptance in addressing sex and sexuality issues.
On Life Lessons
Energy management. My work is challenging because I not only work with clients who come in with all kinds of sexual issues and personal problems, but I am also an introvert. I have learned to manage my energy by spending plenty of time restoring my nerves through exercise, meditation, and learning about nutrition and being more mindful of what I eat. I am also more conscious and deliberate about who I spend time with, and what I do. For instance, I am drawn to watching movies that have a happy ending, and only hanging out with my friends who are spiritual and whom I care deeply about.
Favourite Quote To Live By
“You gain strength, courage, and confidence by every experience in which you really stop to look fear in the face. You are able to say to yourself, ‘I have lived through this horror. I can take the next thing that comes along.’ You must do the thing you think you cannot do.” ― Eleanor Roosevelt.
Work With Martha
I have many ongoing events which I run when inspired to. You can find them on my website, Eros Coaching1. The best way to stay in touch is to subscribe to my mailing list to receive my latest updates on my website.
Edited by Nedda Chaplin
Image credit: Martha Lee
References:
1. Eros Coaching Website
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