I used to be a drama queen in disguise. Discreet, but dramatic. At any party in my teens and early adulthood, past the point of a few drinks, out would come my sob story, all because I needed attention.

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In hindsight, every time I retold those stories, I relived the emotions; the wounds opened afresh. No wonder I couldn’t move on, because I was stuck in old stories, and creating new ones.

Once I started to let go of those stories – getting sick of hearing myself tell them as well – I made space for healing. To a certain extent, we humans need to know our stories inside out, as a confirmation of our existence. Letting go of those stories, though, is necessary for healing. Now, I only ever bring those past events up in a context where it may be of use, and I don’t allow myself to reattach to any of them.

Letting go can be hard, because those stories may feel like a defining part of our identity. They provide a comfort zone of certainty. Though miserable, they are familiar.

In certain types of healing, there is the belief that we need to let go of the story without even a need to know what the story is. This takes trust in the healer and in the process, in which healing just takes place, so to say. Personally, I think it’s been helpful for me to first know my story inside out, and then to let go of it.

I would let go of my story even more, but in the motivational work that I do it keeps on coming up. Also, the storytelling aspect of pitching our businesses is hugely popular now. How to move audiences without getting pulled into old hurts again? People tell me I’m a powerful speaker when I speak from the heart, but honestly, I don’t want to hash over old stuff. I’ve dealt with it already, why would I want to revisit it?

What’s the trick? How to be authentic, yet detached?

We need to keep in mind that each audience is a new one, give or take a few people who may hear your story many times over. To be moving and to make an impact, it needs to feel fresh. Like it or not, if you are up there pitching, it takes an element of getting in role.

This is why we have to have truly healed from that past hurt, or else it will always be a reliving and a re-taking on of old pain, as opposed to a purposeful re-counting.

Presence And Positivity

Whatever past event or person we are letting go of, there is a projection of the past into the future, because we want continuity. To help you move on into the future, think of all the possibilities you are robbing yourself of by thinking it needs to be a continuity of the past. Don’t let past hurts become your identity. Just take the learning and create more positive foundations.

Wake up and stop fantasising about past events, people, or habits. This may be hard, because these are those moments of reminiscence of the best of the past, coated with fairy dust. Inevitably, it can turn into a sport of if only and what if? At these times it is important to have something else to replace those thoughts with.

As soon as you start drifting off into la-la-land, make a decision to focus on the positive things in the now – every twenty minutes if you have to. What’s the point of letting the past overtake the present and block you from moving on? There are apps that make bell and other sounds, used as reminders to stop what you are doing and breathe for a minute or a count of three breaths. Why not add a positive mantra to the reminder, such as I will only surround myself with supportive people.

Keep on moving on each time the past comes up. Bring yourself back, and be ok with the thoughts you just had, but move on.  As Gail Brenner writes, neutralize the story from the past so it loses its power over you.

Find the neutral middle ground, and work from there. And I mean work. Nurturing peace, calmness, and happiness in a new reality takes time. It’s cultivating a new landscape of emotions. Don’t repress your feelings, and don’t be a waterfall of emotion either. Once the initial outburst is out, neutralise.

Add A Dash Of Outside Help

I’m surprised at how regularly past stories spring up, triggered by something or someone. I get more skilful at neutralising and moving on with each experience, but sometimes I’m hit with a big whammy, and that’s when I need outside help. My preference is to go for a healing with someone I trust, and do energy healing or shamanic healing. You could also opt for art therapy or past life regression. Keep trying until you find what clicks with you, and don’t be afraid to seek help. Some things need outside help, paired together with our own tool kit of positivity and presence.

With the new year around the corner, you could choose one particular past hurt that has been holding you back, and make a commitment for the next three to six months to release that. Note how much lighter you feel or how much more productive you are when you are focused on the present with a positive mind set.

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