I was always surrounded by men, and I loved it!   My doting lawyer grandfather made me feel like a VIP all the time;  my uncles fell for the  charms of five-year-old me; my father made me feel invincible because he was there to protect me; and my seven crazy brothers made me laugh, cry, and trained me to be strong (imagine a life with seven strong-willed boys!).  Oh, these men!  Without them, my life would be boring; because of them, I have grappled with life’s many uncertainties.

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Titled “Men Of Connected Women,” this series pays tribute to the wonderful men in our lives who’ve made an impact in our lives. These are the men who’ve inspired us, helped us, mentored us, raised us. Because behind every woman is a man who has made her who she is today.

How My Husband Asked For My Hand

It goes without saying that my husband had to face the men in my family before taking me away from their grip. It was not an easy feat.   Later on, I wondered if hubby married me for me, or for instant wacky brothers and uncles.  (He is an only child!)

When he asked for my hand in marriage, I remember clearly as my grandfather sat across him, took a deep breath, swirled his brandy glass on one hand, took a sip and asked, “Do you know whom you plan to marry?  My most beloved granddaughter!”  To the calm gentleman before him, my husband respectfully nodded and assured him of his good intentions.  Then my grandmother, who was also there, smiled.

My father, on the other hand, had an amusing meet-up with hubby.  Instead of the usual, my Dad asked, ‘Do you know who I am?  Aren’t you afraid of me?”  as Dad’s armed bodyguards surrounded the hubby-to-be.  My uncle and I waited in the car as the interview went on. Then they came out laughing together like buddies.

The Enduring Love Of A Father

I had many men (uncles and grandfathers) who were fathers to me when my father left us for another woman and when he finally left this world at 52 years old.  He may not have been the best husband, but he was the best father. He was my best friend, my avid listener, critic, and adviser.

With our unusual situation, Dad showed us that love conquers all. He and my siblings had clandestine meetings. They met in street corners and dined in private rooms of Kimpura, a Japanese restaurant,  for bonding, or when family issues arose.  “Take life easy, but take it,”  were his immortal words.  He used to say, “Life is simple but it is not easy.”  He told me the importance of marriage and loyalty which he regretfully learned too late in life.  As an only girl then, he assigned me duties to my brothers.  Unto his questionable death, he stayed with me for three more years through vivid dreams. Until such time that I finally can let go.  Beyond death, my father loves me.

My Husband, The Good Father

Thankfully, the father of my children has been in my life through joys and pains, laughter and tears, through thick and thin, in sickness and in health.  I find myself looking up to thank The Big Man up there for the wisdom to preserve my own family.  Ohana.  

Hubby taught me patience, kindness, humility, forbearance, piety, faith, and hope. He is a good father to our children.

He spoiled them when he could. When the kids were young, they loved road trips with unending stops, mostly to eat something new.  Fridays were days in the family room with various snacks for the much anticipated TV and VHS marathons!  No rules Friday!  During summers, our patio was converted to catechism for 50 children in the neighborhood. The volunteer catechists were our two older children. The two younger ones excitedly waited for their many playmates!  The neighbors donated food too.  But every time, my hubby had loaves of bread ready for all the kids. It was a family affair for us. Once, my eldest son was asked how he felt transferring from city life to rural life. He replied, “In a plane about to crash, a frantic lady asked the boy why he was calm.  He said the pilot is his dad.  In much the same way, we trust our Dad will never lead us astray.”

In our kids’ teen years, we moved to the province where we bonded through fishing, swimming, or simply exchanging views on what we read. We had no TV, no malls, no gadgets.  We lived a simple life.  The kids fondly remembered their grandmothers.  They had to be home before the church bell tolls at 6PM, or else Lola gets her whip.  That’s another story!

No Perfect Relationships

This coming Sunday is Father’s Day.  There is no perfect relationship between father and children; not even between mother and her children. I was blessed with many good men while growing up. Despite their imperfections, they were fathers to me. There is no way I am who I am, if not for them, even from bits and morsels.