Many professional women in Asia are also wives and mothers. A question I hear every other day: “How can I juggle family, kids and my business?” Well, you can. It just requires awareness, courage and strength. 

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A wife, a mother and a lover mystically combined into one woman is what most men want. Ironically, “professional” is not among the desired qualities and it isn’t a requirement for the bride-to-be. Vows, exchange of rings, honeymoon and often, a baby nine months later is still a common schedule these days, even in the most developed countries.

A young family is born, so are expectations. Men’s expectations. Everybody knows that being a mother is a serious job and requires a lot of time and commitment. Babies are demanding, so are husbands. A woman is expected to be a good mother, a loving wife, a supportive daughter-in-law, a joyful companion, a loyal friend and, of course, a passionate lover.

Where does a “professional” fit in here? 

This is the question that many women ask themselves.

The answer is obvious – it doesn’t. At least – not easily. As a result, many women decide to become stay-at-home mothers or to join their family’s business. Some want more though and bravely embark on the Modern Woman journey, where an ability to juggle “a man, a child and a job” is a number one requirement.

The question is HOW? 

How can ONE woman be a good mother, a loving wife, a supportive daughter-in-law, a joyful companion, a loyal friend, a passionate lover, and a high flying career woman? Not to mention that she is also expected to look like a model and to act like a lady.

After observing many women who are better jugglers than others and topping it up with my own experience, I am happy to share THREE STEPS that can REALLY change your married life, and as a result – your career path. 

1.    Accept the reality. 

Nobody can help you until you are ready to help yourself. If you are one of those women who want to have it all and you are juggling all of the above and even more, while telling yourself “you are just fine”, the world is going to remain exactly the same, as will your life. And if you continue doing what you are doing, you will eventually exhaust yourself and collapse… and everything and everybody will collapse with you, because you are the centre.

Step number one: accept that you have taken too much on your tiny shoulders.    

2.    Crystalise what you really want.

Knowing what you want means you are fifty percent there. Look at all your commitments and ask yourself: “In a magical world where everything is possible, which commitments would I really like to take on and which ones I would prefer to delegate?” Keep it simple. Make a list.

Step number two: “if you spot it, you got it.”   

3.    Have a conversation.

That’s right. It is time to talk to your husband (and all other family members). Remember that asking is not the same as demanding. Don’t make a big deal out of it. (Men are terrified when women start a conversation with the words “darling, I want to talk to you…”) Approach it as a casual chat. Simply share with him your list of commitments that you would like to keep and the ones that you would like to delegate. And after that, listen. Allow your man to come up with the solution. They love doing it!

Here we come to the step number three: set new ground rules.

 

After that – it is all up to you. You can make two types of choices.

Choice #1: you could allow your family members to play a game of “victims”, where they complain about the shortage of time or recourses and therefore, their inability to help you. And you actually allow them to put all responsibilities back on your shoulders. If this is what you choose, you might want to ask yourself why you think that your own needs are not that important and your career dreams are over.

Choice #2:  you could help your family members to rise above the game of “victims” and to restructure the list of responsibilities, where everybody will be contributing accordingly. Even if it means they will have to compromise on their needs and adjust their established daily routines.

If this is what you choose, hug yourself and say: “Well done, girl! You are learning to love yourself and your business!”

Be brave. Be vocal. Be yourself.

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_{This post was first published on www.yanafry.com and has been reposted on Executive Lifestyle with the permission of the author.}

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