How To Choose When You Do Not Have A Choice

How To Choose When You Do Not Have A Choice

Like many other children, I used to have nightmares, when I was a little girl. My mum would do her best to comfort me and one of her favourite sayings was: “Darling, even if you dream that you got eaten by a monster, remember that you have two ways out!”

Yes, my mum does have a sense of humour and I am deeply grateful to her that she taught me at a very young age a simple truth – there are several solutions in every situation and it is up to me to choose which one I want to embrace.

Fast forward, through all twists and turns, I became who I am today and now I am the one who tells other people regularly:

Don’t worry. Your situation is not that hopeless. Take a deep breath and you will see at least two ways out!

In fact, I say it so regularly that I decided to write an article about it today, as it seems to be a common theme for many people. I am sure that all of us have been in a situation where we felt that life turned it’s back on us and the entire universe is just a black hole that swallows all our dreams, hopes and life force. I can definitely remember a few!

Maybe you, or someone close to you, are in such a situation right now, where you feel that there is no way out and that you are being suffocated by circumstances or people. Take a deep breath. You do have a choice. And with a choice, you have a way out.

Let’s do it step-by-step. Put aside everything you do right now and spend the next 5 minutes with yourself. Think about the situation that you perceive as hopeless, suffocating, choice less.

Take a deep breath.

Ask yourself: “Why do I think that I don’t have a choice in this current situation?”     

Let your mind talk. You just listen. Suspend your judgement. Listen to all it has to say about people, who got you into this mess, about the unfairness of life, about difficult circumstances, about all that ‘stuff’ that we tell ourselves when we feel lost and emotionally suffocated. Let it talk until it runs out of words and thoughts.

Take another deep breath. 

Ask yourself: “What do my instincts tell me about this situation?” 

Let your gut talk. Once again – you just listen. Allow all your feelings and emotions to come up to the surface. Let them flow freely. Feel it as much as you can. Connect with your intuition and listen to what it has to say about you, people around you and the circumstances you are in.

Take another deep breath.

Ask yourself: “What do I know in my heart about my free will and my ability to make choices?” 

Let your heart talk. Listen quietly. You are accessing your inner wisdom right now. Your judgement is still in suspension. Your mind and your gut are quiet by now as they run out of the things to say. Allow yourself to drop into that space where you know everything you need to know, where you have all the answers you need, where you have several choices and it is up to you to choose which one you want to embrace.

Take another deep breath.

Come back.

Now you know the choices you have. You have seen them deep inside your heart. You might tell yourself that now you need courage and strength to follow them through, but you cannot tell yourself any more that you do not have a choice. You do have… at least two.


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Yana Fry

Yana Fry is a transformational executive coach, group facilitator and thought leader who has taken her message of soulful business and empowerment to students and clients worldwide.

Yana's area of expertise is helping people and organisations pinpoint their hidden, unexplored areas of talent and potential and turning these into increased results. She also helps leaders find their bigger why so they lead with passion and authenticity.

In addition, Yana operates an active blog, a thriving web TV channel where she interviews leading titans of industries and get them to share their words of wisdom.

Yana's goal is to positively impact the lives of people worldwide, and show them how to lead a life of passion and purpose.

This post was first published on and has been reposted on Connected Women with the permission of the author.
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