Our lives tend to revolve around our family and friends, in other words, our loved ones. The care of our parents. The love of our children. The companionship of our partner. The mischiefs of our siblings. And the open-mindedness of our friends keeps us happy, alive, delighted. 

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We take them for granted but realize their value when that day comes when they leave us and go forever. Death could be sudden which brings us shock, grief, and emptiness. Yet, sometimes, this death might be the daily prayer to set free from the only meaning of life left – breathing. Yes, it pains. Yes, it annoys. Yes, it leaves us broken. Yet, there is only one option we have, to cope.

I know it is not easy to move on. In fact, you will never move on. You will learn to live with a broken piece. No one and nothing else might be able to fill that gap. And that’s okay. You are not alone. Losing a loved one can be traumatic – mentally, emotionally, and physically. On one side Arun was trying to close on the rituals followed post the death of his father. And on the other side he had to close on the legalities like Will and inheritance settlement. 

Arun was very worried about his Mother. She was living alone in his native. He wanted his mother to come and stay with him in the city. After all his job and family were settled there. But, his mother refused as she wanted to spend her time at native. She welcomed Arun and his family to join her. Being the only son, he was unable to decide what had to be done. Was not sure how to deal with this situation. He was only thinking about his mother’s wellbeing. But what about the kids’ schooling and his and his wife’s jobs? Will he be able to support the finances of the family if he had to move to his native?

Any Certified Financial Transtionists (CeFT) will observe 2 behaviour traits – Confusion and narrow focus. Confusion because he lacks the clarity of thoughts. Narrow focus because he thinks that the only way his mother’s wellbeing can come is from living with him. There might be guilt somewhere that he couldn’t be with his father and must not repeat the same with his mother. In such situations, there are tools that Certified Financial Transtionists use, to co-create solutions. CeFTs are trained on the personal side of money, yes, the money has two sides, personal and technical. They make sure you are in a safe place emotionally and then move to critical financial decisions. Two simple tools are shared below:

1) What has Changed? – This is a set of questions covering different practical aspects. Right from Income, expenses and savings to care, home and estate. Each aspect is measured on confidence, uncertainty, and fear. It helps understand what is working well and what needs attention. It also helps you focus on areas you were not thinking about. Risk management or family issues might be important once you get to talking about moving. This tool helps clear the fog or confusion. 

2) PMO – Purpose Method Outcome – Purpose = Why, the driver, the thing the person cares most about. It’s what inspires them to take action. The Purpose exercise is an exploration and discovery experience. It takes three to five layers of questions to get to the real reason, the real difference it will make if the purpose is achieved. Method = How, the Purpose can be achieved. Outcome= What, is the desired result? What are you trying to achieve? This tool helps move away from a narrow focus. It looks at various options available to meet your purpose.

Knowing the fears and purpose will guide towards the inner feelings. The support of the financial plan on top of this base will help co-create the action plan. It’s not easy to deal with transitions, to deal with changing life situations. A little support from someone who is trained can help you explore opportunities. It can help shape the change you want to be.