Summer is here, and the weather is fine.

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As a divorced mother, summer also means it’s time to plan your child’s summer break with your ex. Before you start to stress out about having to deal with your ex, take a deep breath. With a bit of planning and forethought, you can enjoy a stress-free summer season.

To get you started on the right foot, I’ve listed a few helpful co-parenting tips below. Each tip is designed to help you plan you and your child’s summer with ease.

1. Coordinate Your Schedules

Summer break isn’t just about your kids. You and your former partner undoubtedly have vacations planned. Start the summer out right by sharing your plans with your former partner in advance. Avoid arguments by reaching out to him a few weeks before you plan to leave for your trip and let him know the exact dates you’ll be gone. Use an online calendar to streamline the process.

A bit of coordination goes a long way towards a peaceful and fun summer for both you and your child.

2. Be Flexible and Patient

Recognise that your ex has his own life now. While you obviously want your child to have an amazing summer, it’s important to be flexible and patient and take a long term perspective and working for the best of all involved.

Co-parenting requires you to be flexible in the face of frustrating circumstances. It isn’t necessarily going to be easy to navigate the summer months while your child is out of school. But if you want to remain stress-free, take my advice: patience is a virtue you want to cultivate.

3. Work Out a Plan for Summer Expenditures

Money is always a sensitive topic. Summer comes with fees from summer camps, excursions, vacations, clothing, amusement park passes and so much more. Set up a plan and an agreement that states how much each side will take care of when the time comes.

For example, you can agree to pay for summer camp while your former partner agrees to take care of all clothing expenses over the summer. What’s most important is that you both keep your money discussions to yourselves and that all your children know is you both care about them having a great summer break.

4. Handle Your Emotions

Sometimes, Summer calls for more time to be spent around your former partner. Don’t use it as an excuse to drum up old emotions and issues.

If you find yourself getting carried away with anger, frustration, sadness or any other negative emotion reach out to someone who loves you. Spill your emotions in a deep conversation, and cry if you must. Whatever you do, don’t let your emotions destroy your summer. Realise that you are stronger than anything you’ve been through and that you can remain calm and move past the pain of your divorce.

Focus on co-parenting for the sake of your children – and the let the rest go.

5. Ask Your Kids What They Want

Don’t forget that the entire purpose of summer break is for your kids to have fun—at least it is in their minds. If you aren’t sure how to divide the schedule or which vacation your children will go on, ask them what they want. School aged children are old enough to make some decisions for themselves, one of them being who they want to spend time with and when. Don’t dictate their summer. Give them a chance to voice their opinion and see if you can accommodate them with your schedule

6. Drop the Competitiveness

Special occasions shouldn’t become a competition for you and your ex-spouse.

Your children want to see you both happy, and real co-parenting goes beyond petty ego-matches. Create a plan and stick to it. If you have a budget for summer break activities, sick to it. If your ex wants to flaunt money on special events, let them. Your children are smart enough to see through anyone who is superficial.

7. Encourage Your Child to See Your Ex

Don’t get caught up in resentful emotions. If your child is hesitant to spend time with your ex do your part to encourage them. Summer is a time for making memories, don’t let them regret it

8. Establish Rules for Your Child

Just because your child is off for summer doesn’t mean all rules are thrown out the window. If you have primary custody of your child, and they will be spending considerable time with your ex over the summer—be sure to communicate your do’s and don’ts with your ex. Do you want your child in bed at a particular time? Are they not allowed to eat certain foods? No list of coparenting tips would be complete without a bit of rule setting.

9. Avoid Negativity

It may be tempting to lose it and speak negatively about your ex to or in front of your child. Avoid this temptation at all costs. Keep things upbeat even when you don’t feel like it.

What are some other tips you plan to use for summer break co-parenting? Share your ideas with me in the comments below.

 

_{This article was originally published on Sonyan White Coaching blog and has been reposted on Connected Women with the permission of the author.
Edited by: Michelle Sarthou
Image credit: Shutterstock}