Angie Pestano Demdam works as a trade expert and executive assistant in a Manila-based foreign embassy. On the side, she sells overrun stocks of clothes from Bangladesh. Today, she tells us about her family’s humble beginnings and how her children inspired her to become an entrepreneur, especially her youngest daughter Arella.

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I grew up in a poor and broken family from Nueva Ecija. My mother and my eldest sister worked as house helpers in Manila. I was left in the province under our aunt’s care with my two younger siblings.

I was in grade four when my mother brought us to Manila. I finished high school in a public school and dreamt to take a two-year course so I can work as a secretary in an office. However, I passed the National College Entrance Examination (NCEE) exam and qualified to take a four-year course. I was not prepared. The in-demand course that time was customs administration. So I took it at the Sta. Cruz, Manila branch of PMI Colleges.

My Journey Towards A College Degree
When I was in my third year of college, my mother could not support me anymore. Therefore, I had to work full-time from 8:00 A.M. to 5:00 P.M. in a customs brokerage company and studied at night from 5:00 to 9:00 P.M. I often asked for an early dismissal at work so I could be in school at 5:00 P.M. I was a working student for two years. In 1997, I graduated from college with a bachelor’s degree.

Soon after my college graduation, I got pregnant and eventually gave birth to my eldest daughter at the age of 21. I didn’t want to get married to my boyfriend that time just because of the baby. Since we couldn’t afford to pay a nanny, we left our daughter with my mother in the province. My partner and I lived near our offices so we could save on transportation expenses. Every weekend, we visited our daughter, and during her school vacations, she stayed with us.

Our Move Back To The Province
As a customs administration graduate, I was hired by Rustan’s as an import assistant in their foreign department. I worked with the company for almost four years and when I got pregnant with my son, my partner and I resigned from our jobs in Manila and settled in his hometown in Sorsogon City. We also brought our daughter with us when we moved.

Before my son was born in November 2010, my partner and I decided to have our civil wedding in July that year, so our son will have the right to carry my husband’s surname. We had the ceremony at the Quezon City Hall with only one friend as our witness. Our parents did not even know we got married because we wanted it to be very simple, just for the sake of my son.

Life in the province was not easy for us. My husband worked in Legazpi City while I stayed in Sorsogon with my two children. My husband only went home during the weekends so he could save on transportation expenses. His salary was not enough to support all our needs so I applied for a job in Legazpi City. But when I finally got a job, my husband’s employment contract was not renewed.

With only one parent working, my income was not enough to support our financial needs. So after six months, we made the decision to go back to Manila to find work. We left our son with my in-laws in Sorsogon and my daughter with my mother in Nueva Ecija.

The Sacrifices We Make For Family
It was a very hard decision for us to leave our children but we didn’t really know what is waiting for us in Manila. We told ourselves that we would go back and just start looking for a job. Soon, my husband was hired but as purchasing assistant in a manufacturing company. I waited for eight months to get employed as an import and purchasing supervisor in a Spanish-owned company in Quezon City.

During those times when we were far away from our children, we regularly called and visited them. After finishing my contract as an import supervisor, I worked in an export company that eventually closed due to bankruptcy. In 2005, I was hired as a trade and industry development specialist in one of the export promotion agencies of the Department of Trade and Industry.

When we finally had stable jobs, we decided to get our daughter to come live with us. But our son was still too young. So our in-laws requested to let our son stay with them a little longer, to which we agreed. Eventually, I found time to study while working in the government. I took night classes for two years and finished my master’s degree in customs administration at the Asian Institute of Maritime Studies in 2010.

The Birth Of Our Youngest Daughter Arella
I was 35 years old when I finished my master’s degree. My two children were all grown up and with their approval, my husband and I decided to have another baby.

Soon, I got pregnant and we wanted to raise our incoming child with our growing family living in one roof. So we decided to find additional income aside from our regular salaries. Doing so would help us get a nanny who could help take care of our baby while we are at work.

We started selling brand A perfumes in our own offices. Then, we sold soaps, shampoo, and assorted cosmetics from Thailand. We even sold pork products during weekends. We would go to the slaughterhouse then we buy the products and sell them to neighbors. I could say that we really saved money for our new baby. We truly wanted her to live with us while she was growing up.

On April 3, 2011, I gave birth to our youngest daughter. The whole family was very happy to welcome our baby girl named Arella, which means –”messenger from God, Angel”.

Arella looks like a normal child. She smiles most of the time. She crawls, walks, and runs according to her age. But we noticed that she doesn’t respond whenever we call her name or talk when she reached the age of two.

We thought that it might be speech delay since she’s always watching TV and she’s the only child in the house left with our helper and the nanny. In addition, her nanny is overprotective to the point that she doesn’t want Arella to interact with other children because she might get sick. We thought it was communication or speech delay due to lack of socialization with other children so we exposed her to other children in our subdivision.

The Search For Additional Income
My husband and I continued working while doing some retail business on the side. We were a jack of all trades! When our eldest daughter graduated high school, we knew that our combined salaries and extra income from our business will not be enough to support a college student. I was aiming for a promotion and salary increase, that’s why I took worked to get at master’s degree. However, I didn’t get the promotion. I could say that I was a victim of politics in a government agency. I got the voluminous work but the salary increase and the promotion were given to another employee. The situation pushed me to apply to another company in May 2012. Fortunately, I was accepted by one of the foreign embassies based in the Philippines and I was really blessed because my salary got doubled from my previous job.

Another blessing came during the last quarter of 2013 when my husband received a call from an employment agency that invited him for an interview for an overseas job in Qatar. We were surprised because he did not apply to that agency. We just thought that, maybe, they found his file in an overseas employment website.

He was hesitant at first because he wanted to be with his youngest daughter while she is growing up, which we did not experience with our two older children. But he still attended the interview because we were also considering our eldest child to study in a university for her college education so she could get a good job. My husband left for Qatar on December 23, 2013, and started to work at Qatar Airways.

Arella’s Condition
In 2014, my youngest daughter celebrated her third birthday and that was the first time we celebrated a family event without my husband. My daughter, at the age three, could not even say a single word like ate and kuya. She only knew the word “mama”. We finally decided to bring her to a developmental pediatrician. Based on the evaluation, my daughter showed some signs of autism spectrum disorder (ASD) and she had communication delays.

I was really depressed when we found out the real situation of my youngest daughter. Add to that the fact that my husband is an OFW made me feel worse because it meant raising a special needs child, alone, physically.

My biggest fear is what will happen to Arella when we are gone. As a mother with a strong faith in God, I believe everything happens for a reason and He will not give us a problem that we cannot carry.

According to the developmental pediatrician, there is hope for improvement through early intervention. This means undergoing occupational and speech therapies and enrollment in a SPED school. I discussed with my husband the situation of our daughter and he was very sad. He even thought of going back and working in the Philippines again to be with us, especially with our youngest daughter. He decided to stay and work in Qatar since we needed financial stability and early intervention would be costly. I immediately enrolled Arella in a SPED school in Bacoor, Cavite. She also underwent occupational and speech therapies.

My husband and I have been working hard to support the early intervention program of our youngest daughter, as well as the education of our son who was studying in private high school and our eldest daughter who was studying in private university. Aside from our regular salaries, we were also doing some part-time businesses like selling jewelry from Qatar and offering installment payments for mobile phones and appliances.

I also have Bengali business partners and we have been importing and selling overrun or stock lots to the Philippines from Bangladesh. I also do some online marketing on the side. During weekends, when my children have already settled at night, I teach English online to Vietnamese adults and businessmen.

Even if I am busy with my job at the embassy and with our part-time businesses, I am still very hands-on with my children, especially with my youngest. I am personally bringing her to the therapy center every weekend with her siblings. I discuss and cooperate with her therapists on how to improve her condition, which I also shared with my son, my eldest daughter, and her nanny. To be more effective, it is important that her therapist’s instructions and activities are continued at home with Arella.

Making Time For Family
Every day is a busy day. In the morning, before going to work, I play with Arella (with her dolls, play dough, and her drawings). I work from 9:00 A.M. to 6:00 P.M. at the embassy then go home and play again with Arella before talking to my son about his studies and my eldest daughter about her job. Around 10:00 P.M., which is 5:00 P.M. in Qatar, I talk to my husband before going to sleep or do some online marketing for our overrun shops.

During weekends, I attend therapy sessions for two hours, shop and do the groceries, attend mass, and teach English online in the evening. Every month, my husband would go home from Qatar and I usually arrange an event or a trip for our family, such as going to the beach, visiting some places, staying overnight in a hotel, or anything really just to have a family bonding.

Through the grace of God, patience, and hard work, we were able to support all of our financial needs. We could not believe that before, my husband and I even experienced eating nothing but congee (lugaw or rice porridge) for dinner. All of our hard work is starting to pay off. Our son is now attending senior high school in one of the prestigious universities located in Intramuros and our eldest daughter left for Japan for a work and study program for one and half years.

We were also fortunate to travel to Japan and Korea with the whole family.  As a wife of a Qatar Airways employee, my husband and I were given the opportunity to travel to Thailand, Hong Kong, Singapore, Armenia, and Georgia. I also get to visit my husband in Qatar every single year as part of the benefits package. We have been grateful and we are sharing our blessings to a foundation supporting the needy.

Grateful For All The Blessings
I can say that we are very blessed to have Arella in our family, not only because of the material things but because she is really an angel sent us by God. She made us closer to God and to each other. She strengthened our faith. Arella made her siblings more responsible because they also set aside time for their youngest sister after school and work. The constant communication with my husband to monitor Arella’s improvement strengthened our relationship. I gained a lot of patience and knowledge because of her situation. I read articles, publications, and books about autism. I joined an autism organization and supported the advocacy on autism awareness.

We’ve seen improvements in Arella’s communication skills. She can now say two to three words. We celebrate these milestones and thank God for every single word she learns. My faith in God and love for Arella gives me hope and keeps me going. I will never get tired of doing everything for her.

 

“I am very thankful that God gave me a special child with special needs because He made me a special mother.”

 

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