Carrie Doubts, the founder of Life’s Next Chapter Coaching, talks about work-life balance and how to achieve this seemingly impossible feat.

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With women, it seems like the default answer to the question “How are you?” is “Busy. I’m just so darned busy.” And the next thing you might hear is, “I have to get better organized so I can manage it all. I need a better work-life balance.”

Here’s a quote I came across from the 7th-century scholar, Isidore of Seville:

“Catching a unicorn is impossible…unless you are a virgin woman. The unicorn is too strong to be caught by hunters, except by a trick: If a virgin girl is placed in front of a unicorn and she bares her breast to it, all of its fierceness will cease and it will lay its head on her bosom, and thus quieted is easily caught.”

When I read this, I thought, I’m screwed. I’m certainly no virgin! Then I started thinking more metaphorically about this. What is it about being a virgin that creates the conditions for capturing the unicorn? There’s something about purity in there which, I think, leads us to the conclusion that, if we were just doing everything right we’d be able to balance it all perfectly—to accomplish more without a strand of hair out of place; without losing it when the last straw lands on our backs. Well, for one thing, virgins might have less on their to-do lists. No husband or children to care for.

Charlotte Lieberman wrote an article in the Harvard Business Review in April 2017:

“The idea of ‘work-life balance’ is an invention of the mid-19th century. The notion of cultivating awareness of one’s work versus one’s pleasure emerged when the word ‘leisure’ caught on in Europe in the Industrial Era. Work became separate from ‘life’ and we’ve been struggling to juggle them ever since.”

We have an opportunity to let go of the thought that we should divide our time into neat categories like work responsibilities and life responsibilities, and heal the split we have in our consciousness about it through embracing the whole as ‘life.’ It seems that there is also something that is wanting to break open about the sheer volume of stuff that we’re dealing with and the pressure we put on ourselves to keep up with all our responsibilities.

When did we get this freaked out about all the things we have to do in a day? How many blogs and articles have you read, such as 7 Tips for Achieving Work/Life Balance? While these are often helpful, they are usually focused on the outer level, like learning to delegate or get better organized, or use the latest calendar blocking system and to do list techniques.

There is certainly work we can do to clarify our priorities and values and ask questions like, “Are the choices I’m making in alignment with what’s really important to me?” The other issue to consider is, are you still trying to take care of everyone else at the expense of your own needs?

Here are some tips to consider when you find yourself caught up in the chase of the mythical unicorn of work-life balance.

Just Say No

One major cause of burnout is being over-committed. Being asked to participate, join, lead, commit to another project, or help someone out of a jam can be an exhilarating feeling. It’s great to feel needed. However, if you find yourself saying yes to a request while you are kicking yourself inside, it’s time to learn a little assertiveness.

Remember this: Every time you say yes to someone or something, you are saying no to something else. What you are saying no to may be a higher priority for your success or your peace of mind–but your conditioning prevents you from speaking up for yourself.

Slow Down Instead Of Speeding Up

One strategy we’ve probably all used when we are overcommitted is to rush around at warp speed to get it all done. We’ve been trained to do this. However, rushing through life is missing the point of living.

Instead, give yourself a moment to breathe, to slow down and be still. You’ll be amazed at the clarity that is on the other side of a few minutes of meditating, reflecting, and contemplating.

You’ve Got To Land The Plane Sometimes

Schedule downtime for yourself for routine maintenance and self-care. You simply can’t fly around all the time and if you try, you will crash.

Ask For What You Need And Let Someone Give It To You

How many times has someone offered to help you and you refused? I often hear people say it takes too long to explain the task, or they won’t do it right, or some other silly excuse. When you don’t let people contribute to you by lightening the load, it signals that you are having difficulty giving up control.

Focus On Now

Multi-tasking is not your friend. It just means you are paying half attention to everything and stressing yourself out in the process. Focusing on one thing at a time and minimizing distractions while you do that will give far better results. And it provides more peace.

Go For Excellence Not Perfection

Perfection is a pattern that can never complete itself. You’ll never achieve it, no matter how hard you try. Letting go of perfectionism and setting your sights on excellence gives you a fighting chance at winning.

Sleep Eight Hours A Night

Being tired all the time is not a badge of honor. Make it a habit to carve out eight solid hours of continuous sleep each night. Commit to this, even if you think you can’t.

Make Time For Appreciation And Gratitude

Take a few moments at the end of the day to appreciate and acknowledge yourself, to reflect on what went well today, and to express gratitude for the many blessings in your life.

It’s time that we gave up the idea that we can stalk, hunt, capture, and tame the mythical beast of work-life balance.  Let’s take a stand for creating more harmony and balance in life—embracing all aspects as part of the whole.

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The original article was first published in Life’s Next Chapter Coaching.