Human learning and development are shaped by relationships with  important people in our  lives.

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Constructive and respectful interactions between people always generate a positive aura, which in turn influence building good relationships.

Being aware of and understanding the triggers, dynamics, underlying beliefs, and patterns we experience when we engage with others allow for a deeper understanding of ourselves and those around us.

To me it can all be summed up in four sentences:

1. It Is Not About The Other Person – It Is About Yourself

Let’s imagine you have an appointment with a friend who is running late. You are waiting at the café. Time goes by, and you become more and more irritated by the minute. Internally, you are grumbling about not being taken seriously, being ignored, people not caring about you, and so on.

Someone else in your situation might happily spend that time watching others pass by, listening to music, or simply enjoying doing nothing until the friend arrives.

What is it that makes you irritated? What part of you gets so wound up? And why?

Spend some time with that part of you and you will for sure have an “AHA!” moment.

It might be that you were taught that being late is unacceptable, or you believe you are not important so people don’t value your time.

By the way, this applies the other way ‘round too. Working yourself up to be on time, imagining the worst case scenario of your friend being annoyed only to find out that she was happy to have some time to go through all her emails.

And what if indeed your friend is annoyed by you being late? Ask her to read this blog post.

2. We Can’t Change Others; We Can Only Change Ourselves

Nothing new for many; though how often do we point out what others did or didn’t do, and how much the way they treat us irritates us?

So many of my clients are amazed that triggers disappear once they trace back the related emotions to a younger self. Once this younger self has been acknowledged, accepted, and integrated, the interaction with the other person is easier.

They realize that those around us are an invitation for us to pay attention to parts within ourselves that require healing.

3. Different Perspectives Create Different Experiences

It also helps to reflect on all the should, musts, have tos, need tos – the expectations we have about how others are supposed to live or behave so it suits us.

A client of mine struggled with her perceived lack of love from her husband. He wasn’t doing the things she thought he should be doing to show his love and care for her. After a while, she realized that both of them had a different understanding of what it meant to express their love for each other. She became more aware that her own assumptions and interpretation of a situation are based on her own fears and beliefs. Releasing that grip made it easier for her to see things for what they are.

If we take the corporate world as an example, at times many employees who are located in different parts of the world will be working on the same project without having much interaction. Once an employee gets the opportunity to interact with other employees/colleagues, their coordination and productivity significantly increases, and this helps in boosting team spirit within the organization. This also enables bridging the gap between the cultural and communication differences between the employees located remotely.

4. What We Need To Learn

“Nothing ever goes away until it has taught us what we need to know.” ~Pema Chödrön

We enter all our important relationships to learn some major life lessons. At times there is a theme which runs through generations – each generation creating different circumstances to learn about the same theme.

Those of you who believe in reincarnation may know that a theme can run as a red thread through many lifetimes for a soul to learn various aspects of it.

Take self-worth for example.

A woman keeps ending up in abusive relationships, over and over again. Until she gets in touch with her self-worth, until she discovers the inner strength to draw boundaries to not be treated badly any longer, relationships will be verbally and/or physically abusive. Once she decides that it is enough, that she deserves respect and love, and she walks out of the relationship, the path is free for a different experience.

All these experiences and opportunities are there for us to define what we want from life: who we are, who we want to be, and where we want to go from here.

Since human beings are social animals, the quality of our relationships plays a significant role in maintaining a high level of well-being, as well as mental and emotional stability. These are essential for leading a successful and enjoyable life.

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