I have had two experiences lately with businesses that have done this, and I am, to quote the fictional television anchor Howard Beale from the 1976 film Network, “…mad as hell, and I’m not going to take this anymore.”

Both the businesses referred to did not deliver on what they sold, but to make it worse, their lack of professionalism really put a dent in my future advocacy. Their approach to business wasn’t just wrong; it was unacceptable. They hid under their “women-for-women” flag and hoped the problem would go away.

In my years working as a PR and strategic communications consultant, I have come across bad behaviour in corporations in the form of racism, emotional and verbal abuse, sexism, or just embarrassing faux pas.

However, of recent, I am observing that more female entrepreneurs seem to be less accountable to their employees and customers than their male counterparts. The “un-feminist” behaviour highlighted at THINX and Nasty Gal is just the tip of the iceberg. Cultures of bullying, exploitation, lack of transparency and downright disrespect are wrong regardless of who you are and what audience you serve.

Using Solidarity As A Marketing Hook Is A Bad Idea

Why do I feel so much worse when let down by female-focused business? Maybe it is the expectations of solidarity and sisterhood, or that the services offered are marketed to female needs in a personal way. If you run a business that aims to help women perform better professionally, or feel better about their body, then a degree of vulnerability is involved.

If you claim to be the best business or product based on your innate understanding of women’s needs and use encouragement and support as a marketing hook, the expectation is that you will deliver. But I’m not even looking for a friendly face in the two occasions I mentioned at the start. I’m just expecting the fulfilment of a promise, which is what I expect from every company I transact with. I expect to get what I paid for and have it delivered honestly.

How To Avoid Falling Into The Mean Girl Trap

Digging deeper, I find that most female-focused companies never intend to be mean. It’s unchecked attitudes and biases that bring them down. Some of these skewed beliefs are:

• Solidarity forgives sloppy service – Every business should be held to a standard of professionalism. The idea that women might be more forgiving doesn’t mean you can cut corners. One day someone is going to call you out for your sub-par service and demand an explanation.
• Questioning standards shows a lack loyalty – Standing up for herself is one of the greatest lessons a young woman can learn. The art of diplomacy and being objective is a skill that women leaders need to master if they have any hope of hearing the truth. People need to be able to come to you with ideas and opinions without feeling threatened.
• High-school responses are okay in the corporate world – Cold shoulders and being relegated to the “out-group” happens far more often than people might realise. It can be as subtle as not being greeted at Reception or having your inquiries left unanswered.
• Being a woman-led business is PR – Women have been arguing for equality in business, yet we still measure ourselves using a double standard. The question should not be if you are championing female rights, but if your business promotes and practices values that lead to inclusivity. If you’re flying the flag for a woman-led business but fail in service and accountability, you are doing the gender no favours.

If you are a woman entrepreneur who runs a female-focused business, here are some things you can do to ensure that your company isn’t turning into a Mean Girl.

• Invite an expert to experience your business as a ghost customer and undercover employee. Have them tell you how you rate in your Ask them to check for non-inclusive behaviour among your staff and brand community.
• Conduct an anonymous values check. Get your staff to rate the company’s culture against a list of the promises and standards you have set for your business. Do this with a sample of your customers.
• Review engagement activity on social media. Is your online culture a reflection of your company values? How are your followers interacting on Facebook and Instagram? What kind of language are they using and is it acceptable?

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Intellectually, we are at our zenith. It doesn’t matter if anyone is listening. Of course, that is a ridiculous proposition, so it’s more than just having something to say and having the space to say it.

A 2012 Forbes Article Trying To Define The Term Put It Like This:

A thought leader is an individual or firm that prospects, clients, referral sources, intermediaries, and even competitors recognize as one of the foremost authorities in selected areas of specialization, resulting in its being the go-to individual or organization for said expertise. 

A thought leader is an individual or firm that significantly profits from being recognized as such.

If we look closely at these definitions, a thought leader is recognised by popularity of reference. The greater the volume of endorsement, the more likelihood that someone is seen as a thought leader. There is no mention of quality, originality or contribution of the ideas being spouted. This is all assumed. We are relying on the wisdom of crowds to tell us where to look and how to separate the signal from the noise. Which is fine if you are looking to purchase a great read or visit a good restaurant, but surely cultural popularity should not be a measure of a person’s ability to lead our thinking.

If we look at history, people who we consider to be thought leaders today were not particularly popular in their time. Their books wouldn’t make the New York Times bestseller list, and you wouldn’t be seeing them at Davos. If they posted their ideas on LinkedIn, they may get more than a thousand views – if they are lucky. We can go as far back as Tacitus, Montaigne, Kant, Marx, and Foucault. Even as recent as today, if you look at the Financial Times’ Top 100 Thinkers List, most ‘Liked” is not something one associates with these personalities. Their reputations as leading thinkers have been earned without the reliance of being ‘Liked’ or shared.

In certain cases, an argument was made that being a thought leader ensures greater professional success. In today’s society, you can even make a living out of being a thought leader; and lots of people do via selling webinars, e-books, podcasts, etc. So we deduce that to build a career one needs to develop points of view, write more blog posts, tweet more pithy liners, release more books, and speak at more events.

But is that really the case?

I can understand that characteristics like charisma, passion, and inspiration are qualities that make people persuasive and admirable – after all, these are personality traits of generally successful people. And these are behaviors that can be learnt. I am pretty sure they are not the same qualities that makes a person a thought leader. For me, the term suggests someone who is expansive and brave in their thinking.

To lead means to stay ahead, which is very hard to do.

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There are few business leaders who prioritize the importance of written communications in their company. The ones who do recognize that much of work these days happen in words on a page or on screen, and writing well means doing better business. Words are also the way leaders communicate their ideas and philosophies to others. It is how many self-promote, inspire, and engage with the wider community.

Working Alongside These people, I Have Observed Three Common Predicaments:

• You have nothing to say but feel pressured to say something

• You have something to say but can’t articulate it

• You have a lot to say and can’t restrain it

• You have nothing to say but feel pressured to say something

Social networks are to blame for this psychological torment experienced by c-suite executives everywhere. It’s a crippling combination of pressure and envy. You feel that you need to publish an op-ed, release a blog post, post a tweet, take action to show your relevance. You notice that a colleague has shared a post online. She’s getting ‘likes’ and she’s visible – and you’re not. The feeling you get is akin to being in an emergency: “Don’t stand there! Do something!”

Don’t give in to that pressure. If you feel you have nothing to say, nothing new to add to the conversation which will be of value to others, focus on an area that you are interested in and follow conversations that are happening there. Do this with the intent of developing a topic of your own. Take your time. If the clock is really ticking, set a deadline, but never without being a student of the subject. This is what being a thought leader means. Often, you need to follow first.

Being a thought leader often means you need to follow first.

You have something to say but can’t articulate it.

If you find yourself in this situation, I’d call in an expert. Make it a storyteller. Choose a listener. Someone who has a degree of distance. A person who can think strategically about what you’re trying to communicate.

When people tell me that they don’t know what they’re trying to say, my response is – start anywhere, tell me anything. Let’s talk about what was good about today. Then we’ll move to what wasn’t good. In our conversations, I will ask questions so we get to a place where you’re talking about the things that matter.

Then we filter it down together and craft it into language you can own.

Want to do this without any help? The issue is we like to believe our own narratives. We have vested interest in our own thoughts and beliefs. Now consider that you shouldn’t say everything you want to say, there is a right way to say the things you want to say, and you need someone who understands your audience. Find someone good and you can trust this process.

Work with someone to filter your ideas and craft it into language you can own.

You have a lot to say and can’t restrain it.

More is not more when it comes to communicating. When people try to cram a lot of information into one communication, it’s because they feel a sense of urgency or insecurity. They must say this now lest someone beat them to it. If they don’t describe the entire situation in its minutiae, they will be misunderstood. How about no one reading past the third line of your email?

Publishing is not an exercise in exorcising the thoughts and ideas in your mind.

This is a case of misunderstanding the purpose of communication. When you publish thoughts and ideas, it is for another person – the receiver, the reader. Publishing blog posts and op-eds is not an exercise in exorcising the thoughts and ideas in your mind. If you have too many things to say, break it down into single messages. Then ask yourself, is this substantial enough to stand on its own? If an idea is a parasite that is weak on its own but wants to latch on to other more important topics, bin it.

If the idea is strong enough to be developed, give it the credit it deserves and save it for standalone communiqué.

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To be honest, most of the time I discourage people from using anything besides LinkedIn as a professional social media platform – unless I see that they genuinely like people and get energized by interacting with others (then it’s Twitter, and maybe if they’re up for it, Instagram). However, most executives simply don’t have the time, are not comfortable with digital outside of Facebook use with friends and family, and find the idea of venturing into social media as part of their job more an ominous task than a good opportunity.

Personally, I think there are some c-suite executives who do an amazing job on social. I appreciate their willingness to share their journey, and enjoy how they present themselves as real people. That’s inspiring, because social media for career development is not a competition about who’s more popular, or a practice of “selling” oneself online. It’s about extending yourself into a wider platform for conversation. It is one huge professional networking event.

I am aware that not everyone has the benefit of being able to employ consultants to help them navigate the social media landscape. Yes, it is so much easier to have someone work this all out for you; but if you’re in the c-suite or an executive, and are contemplating your professional social media game, below are some thoughts.

To start, we’ll have to set realistic expectations about what social media can (and won’t) do for a c-suite executive:

• Being on social media does not make you a better leader; it makes you a more visible leader. If you’re a good leader, this can expand your scope of leadership to more employees, maybe people in your industry and the world at large. In many cases, poor leaders are forced to adapt ‘good leader’ behaviour in fear of being criticized by the public and their peers. This will be quickly identified as superficial by those who suffer your wrath – and people will roll their eyes.

• Being on social media will not raise your standing in the company; doing your job will. Getting more followers or ‘likes’ is not a reality-based assessment of how well you are doing your job, or how much people like you in person. It just means people on the internet like what you have to say and what you share. 10,000 followers does not a pay raise make (though you will probably increase your chances of being headhunted).

Before we go into the “to dos”, I want to highlight the role of self-awareness, which is the number one reason why I would discourage an executive to participate in any kind of “real time” communication:

• Executives who have low self-awareness should not be on social media. If you’re not clear on what being ‘self-aware’ means, I suggest you Google it. Some people think they are more self-aware than they really are; but to keep it simple, if you’re the reflective type, if you have a good idea of what your strengths and weaknesses are, if you are clear of your values, preferences, and behavioural tendencies, then you are relatively self-aware.

• Executives who are not comfortable with who they are should not be on social media. Many times, executives think that they should adopt the behaviours of other, “more successful” people as that is what “the market/consumers want”. This is BS. If you don’t like yourself, you’re going to have a really hard time deciding who you are online and maintaining that persona (both online and offline) – and you won’t take feedback well. It’s going to be draining. If there are self-esteem issues, I suggest you work on that first. This will do far more for your career than posting tweets.

You’ll note that I very specifically used the word “executives” in the points above because there are plenty of people who are on social media who fall into the two groups mentioned. Remember that we are talking about individuals in managerial or powered positions within a company. If an 18-year-old is not self-aware and doesn’t like herself, but has the right social media game, I’m sure she’ll do okay on Instagram.

“Sarah, this is not helpful to me,” you say. “I am self-aware, and I like who I am, but I don’t know where to start.”

The title of this post does not have the word “popular” in it for a reason. Popularity is hard to come by on social media – though it is the default indicator of success (so many cons to that, but that’s another conversation). Since we are talking about authenticity, this advice may run contrary to what you have read elsewhere; but in nutshell, stick with Socrates: “Know thyself.”

• Forming Or Borrowing Opinions – There’s an unrealistic pressure for people to be innovative in their thinking. It’s very advantageous to have your own POV, but developing unique opinions of value take a lot of time and some talent. For the person who is busy doing other things (like running a company), a simple way is to use a clipping tool (like Pocket or Evernote) to capture anything that you come across which you agree with, or perhaps find inspiring or worth exploring further. Review this week after week and you’ll see a thread develop throughout which you can use to develop your voice.

• Topics – If you’re posting, stick to three topics to start: The industry that you’re in, your professional development, and one of your passions. A good ratio is 60 / 20 / 20. Example, if you work in the pharmaceutical industry, you may take this approach: Tech innovation, quote from speaker at conference, CSR activity from work, medical fact, good op-ed on health you read (60); items on active listening, how you’re trying to create better habits (20); your love for basketball, that great restaurant you went to last week (20).

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