My objective today is to, for at least five minutes if not more, take you away from the current challenge or issue you may be facing in your life – personal or business.

Firstly, please do make it a habit of taking challenges or roadblocks as a blessing. You are where you are for a divine reason that you may not be able to understand now, but it will in its own time lend itself the grace of your inner growth (something we tend to take for granted as coming naturally). And secondly, let’s use this challenge as an opportunity to redirect you towards reassessing your purpose and then, as a by-product of sorts, create a more sincere and better future you.

Your answers to the next five questions might surprise you, so take a minute to get centred (you might need to close your eyes for numbers one to three).

Ask Yourself These Five Simple But Powerful Questions

1. If no one judged you, where and how do you see yourself in four years’ time? Actually, close your eyes and picture yourself floating out of your body, and moving towards the future on a timeline towards the year 2020. Stop there and take a moment to reflect.

2. While you are in the 2020 zone, ask yourself how you want to feel on the inside in four years – physically, emotionally and mentally? In order to do this, ask yourself: What do I look like? Where am I physically? Who is around me? What do I hear people saying or what sounds can I hear? What am I doing, exactly?

3. Turn around on your timeline towards the ‘now’, and come back to the present time, to the present you. Open your eyes. Be aware that you are a star for being able to see yourself in the future and invite a feeling of relief that you are going to reach your future goal. Why? Because, guess what? Your subconscious mind already knows the steps to get you there!

4. Now, with your eyes open, ask yourself in genuine honesty, where your current issue stands in your future-self?

5. Additionally, you can even ask yourself what bad habits you have that you can get rid of that would be blocking your future, or what steps you can start to take now to get yourself there?

Write your learnings down. How close do you now feel about your present challenge? Have you moved away from it? Do you feel detached from it and do you see a bigger picture?

_{This post was first published on Pamela Kirpalani's LinkedIn and has been reposted on Executive Lifestyle with the permission of the author.}

_{Edited by Nedda Chaplin
Image credit: young woman in the park on summer morning from Shutterstock}

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I did myself a favor today. You see, I consider myself to have a fairly royal schedule. Kids are shipped off to school, and when I am not coaching clients or preparing for a workshop, I allow myself the pleasures of a morning Ashtanga session, a 5K run with a dip in the pool, or a coffee and read catch-up at my favorite undisclosed coffee house down the road.

It’s an oxytocin dream come true…

Then one day, smack in the midst of enjoying a present hearty-laugh moment with my kids, I came to a realization. We were watching the hilarious Google My Bulbul (you gotta see it), and a thought took over me that being ‘in the flow’ was becoming rare; with my phone constantly in my hand and my mind consumed with the future. It was becoming clear. I had allowed this ‘amiss’ feeling to take over for too long.

Boom! It came to me. Outside my routine, what is it that I get so absorbed in doing that I lose track of time? Many of us get so consumed in being busy that, in reflection mode, we realize we’ve spent much of our time gridlocked or just plodding along instead of lining up more of our best work.

When Do We Begin Trading Passion For Routine?

Research on more than 400,000 Americans over the past 40 years indicates that pursuing your passions – even in small doses – helps you make the most of your current capabilities and encourages you to develop new ones. It is also a point at hand that whenever a routine becomes tedious or dull, it not only thwarts excitement and creativity but it can also begin to produce tension and negative emotions.

Whereas, when you’re actively engaged in an activity that is fulfilling, pleasurable, and has meaning for yourself, you are truly in the flow of ‘peak experience’ living.

So, back to that little gift I gave myself today. I finally committed myself to that personal art class which I had been postponing for weeks on end, kidding myself that I could paint like I used to. Self-doubt plagued my mind. I used to, once upon a time, sell my glass painting works for a reasonable sum.

Brush in hand, oils splattered on my face, I sat for two hours getting re-familiar with the palette knife and the canvas. Spending two hours blending and grading oils into one another may not sound appealing to those who can’t sit still for more than five minutes, but truth be told, those lucid two hours alone with the canvas gave me the opportunity to fall back in love with color and texture again. It seemed to fit right in with my new and well-deserved value of self-indulgence. Two hours later, I felt like a whole curtain had lifted. This block that had been holding me back from the action of painting was gone.

Not only was I was re-inspired but, strangely, my writing block also ceased. This blog happened. I was thinking a bit clearer on what I wanted to do next. On my self-imposed blocks. On maybe starting the piano again. I also was counting the minutes I could pick up my kids from camp and show them my work. I had touched that chord which made me feel alive after almost 11 years of just ‘plain-old living’.

You see, our passions’ effects are always profound in the sense that they come from places deep within us. What had happened was I that I had lost touch with the zeal that brought out my best qualities – clarity, peace and self-worth.

Here are some questions you might want to ask yourself if you are inspired to feel that child-like wonder and zeal; in other words, re-align with your passion:

• What do you love enough to do for free?
• What gives you so much enjoyment that you yearn to do more of it?
• What were your childhood dreams?
• When you daydream, where does your heart go?
• What do you get the biggest kick out of doing - even if you’re not great at doing it?

Then write down five of your top favorite activities. Once you start looking closely at these things, what you love is usually easy to uncover. By focusing on passion, you can begin to put it back in the center of your life and work, instead of losing it around the edges.

Goethe says: “We are shaped and guided by what we love.”

And you can start by making at least a little time for what you love. Try it. Your future self will thank you for it.

_{This post was first published on Inner High Living blog and has been reposted on Executive Lifestyle with the permission of the author.}

_{Edited by Nedda Chaplin} 

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Being a highly visual and pen-to-paper sort of girl, I have always wondered what it is about writing things down – from grocery shopping lists to to-do lists – that boosts my recall abilities and gets me from goal A to goal B with more precision and speed than others.

So I embarked upon a study and collated some compelling research in this area, which lead me to have faith in this fact.

Not only does writing help eliminate it-sounded-good-in-my-head syndrome, but if you’re looking to live an organized, goal-oriented, and multi-faceted life you need to actively write.

The Dominican University of California published:“People who wrote down their goals, shared them with others, and maintained accountability for their goals were 33% more likely to achieve them, versus those who just formulated goals” i.e. in their heads.

While coaching, I almost always expect my clients to cringe whenever I pop my famous question: ‘Did you write it down?’- whether it is about their latest brain dump or daily scheduling. Most likely, I’ll get responses such as ‘Oh, you know, I saved it on Notes in my iPhone 6S’ or ‘I don’t need to write it down; I usually remember everything’.

The issue with this is that not writing things down is just as good as asking you to forget that very goal you want to achieve or piece of information you need to remember.

But first, my friends, some very basic yet staggering neuropsychology on why this is the case.

Memory Of An Elephant

It’s all in the process- the secret lies in our thoughts before we even make the physical action of ‘writing’. It could be during a university lecture, our plans for tomorrow, or a six-month goal, where we are putting some degree of thought into evaluating and ordering the information that we are receiving. That process, and NOT the notes themselves, is what helps fix ideas more firmly in our minds, leading to greater recall down the line.

Get To Your Goal Faster

When you write, you send a message to your subconscious mind, giving it the signal that these goals are so important that you’re writing them down. This gives them a high priority and the subconscious then begins to work on them. On a conscious level, writing stimulates the RAS (reticular activating system) in our brains, which is responsible for sending a signal to the cerebral cortex: “Wake up, pay attention, don’t miss this detail”. Once you write down a goal, your brain will be working overtime to see that you reach it, and will alert you to the signs and signals that were there all along.


OK, so one would argue that the research presents some fairly compelling evidence that one should keep a writing log in order to be able to achieve the six-month target, fix up your daily planner, or even just memorize a poem for school. Maybe you're on the other side of the fence, though.

What about typing it into Outlook or your iPhone?

Pen Vs. Keyboard

Unfortunately for those techies out there, there is a scientific basis for the pen’s superiority over the keyboard when it comes to cognitive memory. The movements involved when handwriting, “leave a motor memory in the sensorimotor part of the brain”, according to Dr Virginia Berniger, a professor of Educational Psychology at the University of Washington. In fact, the research goes so far as to say that it seems those who type their notes may potentially be at risk for “mindless processing”, as the old-fashioned note-taking method of pen to paper boosts memory and the ability to understand concepts and facts.

A recent article I read states that, “Neuroscience has proven that when you write something out that takes deep thought like your goals, you build over 10,000 new neural pathways in your brain in one sitting. Whereas when you type your goals out on a computer, you are only building 600 new neural pathways”.

_References:

^{http://propelu.com/1368/why-you-should-write-and-not-type-your-goals-out}

^{http://www.medicaldaily.com/why-using-pen-and-paper-not-laptops-boosts-memory-writing-notes-helps-recall-concepts-ability-268770}

^{http://lifehacker.com/5738093/why-you-learn-more-effectively-by-writing-than-typing}

_{Edited by Nedda Chaplin} 

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I think this new era of sharing will be quite different from the way it ever was.

No longer are people only going to be interested in your smiley, smug photos attending gala dinners, launches, martinis in hand. Us humans also crave to see the dark side: yes, your not-so-good side. It makes us feel better: not so alone.

It’s similar to the notion of spiral dynamics. When too much of one thing is happening, the mind naturally becomes curious to know what happens on the other side. The tendency is to look to the opposite and explore that.

And why not? It is extremely human to err, and sharing it makes you even more interesting. We all make mistakes. Why not share them as a form of healing and helping others realise that life is not that perfect? Who are we to finger wag at others; we have no idea what they are going through.

In my 35th year of life, I want to change my own version of spiral dynamics. I want to become authentically open and honest when I mess up, and show the world that, you know what, I f**k up too. I might look perfect on the outside, but inside I have just as many conundrums in my head as you might, too. I probably just hide it better.

As an example of this, and most definitely due to stress-induced PMS, I burst out in the reception yesterday and called the GM of the spa to tackle an issue. Yes, I was kept waiting all of 15 minutes for my waxing appointment. And yes, this was the third time it had happened there. Now, these 15 minutes might seem petty to others, but to me, I’m a TIME-based person, and time is money, time is precious, time shows honour and respect. Whether I learnt this or not from childhood, and whether it makes any sense, in my world, when someone honours your time, that shows me they respect my ‘being’. As a result of missing those 15 minutes, I could not pick up my son from school, which irked me to no end.

So yes, I pulled the plug, got extremely wound up, and I threw a fit! And you know what? My mind was consumed by it for the whole day. It ruined my mood, I kept questioning my self-control, and was cursing my hormones for driving me up the wall.

But by evening, an epiphany hit me: I am human. And you know what? It’s ok. And this is not such a big deal – let’s move on.


Let’s move away from this fake, inhumane mode of sharing and get real. So consider this - if you're going to share happy social media posts with others, also share the real stuff too - things that you might have messed up, your sad moments, and the like. By sharing your weaknesses (which intrinsically become your strengths - another article), it helps others feel that they are not alone in this life of emotional roller coasters and daily struggles. Our friends become our support groups, empathy increases among our populations, and eventually a feeling of unity takes over.

This is true humanity. Not made-up photos of us amongst clouds of silver dust that exist in a microsecond of human time.

When we can share our vulnerabilities openly, it’s a sign of strength. I commit myself to being authentic and showing both sides of my coin. I close by quoting this wonderful thing I found on the Internet, with no claim to an author.

‘The pain you feel today will be the strength you feel tomorrow.'

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She dedicated her career to helping people understand how their minds tick, as well as teaching techniques to enhance their positive, non-cognitive, energy skills. She’s a Neuro-Linguistic Programming (NLP) persuasion coach and trainer boasting a large number of transformed clients that continue to visit her for private and executive coaching sessions.

She’s made a name for herself on an international scale, and is skilled in many areas. Pamela Kirpalani’s knowledge is extensive and today we’re honoured to share her wisdom, insight, and business experiences with you in this inspiring Spotlight interview.

Tell us about you and your business/career, and what you were doing before you started?

After years of being in the investment banking industry to a then turned art collector and teacher, I now own Singapore-based Inner High Living. IHL is a life consultancy directed towards business and life coaching, corporate consulting and Neuro-Linguistic Programming (NLP) training. “Intro To NLP”, “The Art of Persuasion” and “NLP for Parents” are three, sought-after local and international workshops for corporates and individuals.

Did you always dream to do what you are doing now? Or did life throw a particular opportunity your way?

I always dreamed of getting into psychology and delving into the mysteries of the mind and how human beings are wired, thus, my interest in anthropology from a young age. However, I never once thought of myself as a leader in this area. Life threw an opportunity one day when I was scouring for a natural way to get rid of my anxiety, and came across NLP.

A Life-Changing Discovery

I owe my discovery of NLP to my panic attacks and anxiety issues, which started in early 2012. Little did I know that studying it would make me grow in leaps and bounds, train my mind to think in the right way, hold myself physiologically better, and then make a career out of it. Through NLP, I discovered my passion for learning how people are ‘wired’ and why we do the things we do, which then led to a further study and research on ‘how to influence others’. I also can easily detect when others have blind spots and limitations, which has helped my clients with transformational life coaching.

Learn Exponentially

What would you say to people who are struggling with making the jump into a new career, or position?

I would say if you are committed to really being happy, you must transcend “that little voice in your head” that says it’s better to stay in safe territory and remain within your boundaries. If you don’t explore your interests or new opportunities, you’ll always be wondering “what if” and, most likely, have low self-esteem out of regret. Remember, there are no failures in life, only exponential learnings.

Dreaming of Inner High Living

Is your business or career all you dreamed it would be?

It’s nowhere close to where I would like to take it, and I have so many dreams of where it can go. It sure has grown in two years, and sometimes I have to blink twice when I see Inner High Living featured in articles or interviews. I am actually flooded with requests for the Intro To NLP Workshops, as people want to know how NLP can help them.

Do you ever feel like giving up or have you ever felt this way? What made you carry on?

Initially, when I first started, I’m pretty sure I almost gave up at least five times within a span of six months!

It’s all about timing and having the faith that if the time and circumstances are right, then things will happen like they’re meant to. It’s better not to push too much, just do your best, and let the natural order of things unfold. I am so grateful that I did continue, because I have so much to share and people really want and need that.

What keeps you awake at night and gets you out of bed in the morning?

I wait for articles on neuro-science and interesting psychology-based readings to come out, and sometimes if I get an itch to write, I can’t sleep until it gets onto a blog.

Advice For Burnt Out Professionals

Take a break, learn something new (doesn’t have to be related to your career), but do not call it quits. We all go through lulls, and what makes you come out even stronger is the fact that you kept persevering. That is what success is: perseverance.

What is your biggest challenge/frustration as an entrepreneur? How do you deal with, or overcome that challenge/frustration?

My biggest frustration is wanting to do so much more and finding the time for it as a mother. I get vivid ideas, so I jot them down, as I am a big fan of writing. And it takes months to get to it because of a back-log of uninteresting things, which get in the way. I recently started brain-dumping, which has increased my performance and time management by up to 30%.

Second Chances For Boldness

If you could do it all again, what would you do differently?

I would have been more proactive in marketing myself to big corporations, of which I have been shy. However, through many recent training sessions, the feedback has been so positive and encouraging that I don’t know why I limited myself in the first place. So, my advice would be to let go of those limitations in your head, and that “chatter” that says you’re not good enough for others. If you’re confident in what you do and love it, by all means go ahead and market yourself with no hesitation.

Living By A Philosophy

“There is a time and place for souls to conspire, meet and grow and no force can come in between this”. This is what keeps me going.

Pamela Kirpalani’s One Line

Looking to make a change? Get access to your first free 1:1 coaching session only available until March 9^th 2016. Click here for more details http://www.innerhighliving.com/nlp-coaching/ and register.

Curious about NLP and how it can help you in all areas of your life? Come join us for a one-hour talk on March 9th at the American Club. For registration, please contact us.

_{Edited by Nedda Chaplin}

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Each human point of contact either opens or closes a door. Even when you’re rushed, you can still show that you care. For example, you might be on your way for a meeting at peak rush hour, and an old college buddy waves to you as you head towards the taxi stand. 

Instead of avoiding eye contact to avoid the usual niceties, here are three ways to connect without breaking rapport with the other person.

1. Take A Moment To Just.. Breath

We seem to be always rushing, and a single breath slows down the world a little bit, thereby increasing empathy, patienceand listening skills. Pause for a few seconds before you talk, and make kind clear eye contact. This delay might feel like an eternity, but you are gifting the other with genuine listening and attention.

2. Be Clear About Your Time

When a person says “I only have two minutes to spare,” it feels almost demeaning to the other party. Therefore, don’t use negative presuppositions like the word ‘only.’ Instead, say ” I have two minutes to spend with you right now.” Here, you’re enhancing shared attention between the two of you and showing that it is mutually exclusive. Then if necessary, you can add “lets catch up again, you tell me when you’re free” showing a hand-over of power back to the other person. Your commitment to make more time shows that you’re not just brushing him/her off. When you are clear about time and commit to a shared understanding, people feel valued and tend to be more effective than usual in making the best use of the limited minutes they have with you.

3. If Possible, Sit Down, Don't Stand

Neuroscientists have found that in situations where people feel rushed, the human brain is programmed to perceive 'standing conversation' as far less genuine than seated talk. In other words, one minute standing can feel like nothing; whereas one minute sitting can feel like ten.

_{This post was originally published on Innerhigh Living blog and has been reposted on Executive Lifestyle with the permission of the author.} 

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Networking is the current ‘everything.’

It enriches your public profile, increases your chances of employment, gains you new business and gives you a chance to learn more about your current environment. Having said this, why is it that so many struggle with creating new social networks? Yes, learning tips is great, but on a fundamental, people need to also understand the behavioural psychology underlying them.

Follow these 6 simple tips to enhance your networking skills, and gain that special awareness on what makes people tick!

1. Separate yourself from the pack.

It’s not enough to smile and give a firm handshake anymore, as people’s attention spans today are increasingly scattered with the bombardment of information. Lets face it. What will make you stand out in their minds? You can do this in 2 ways.

• Do some homework on the ‘influential’ person you might want to reach out to, beyond the “surface level” stuff that everybody already knows, and look into things such as their passion projects you’ve read about.

• Show off a tad bit of your ‘good stuff’ by identifying one or two unique characteristics that you have in advance of the event, and keep them ready to differentiate you from everyone else. People have a tendency to filter out common things, and instead remember interesting and even controversial pieces of information. Even things such as “I’m an avid snow-boarder” will create a visual spark of interest on the other end. You don’t’ want them to forget you, so create that spark of memory for them.

2. Forget you’re working and pay attention.

It’s inbuilt in our psychology to watch people’s eyes when we are talking to them. Why? In our past, when someone’s eyes diverted from our gaze, it signaled ‘danger’ (a tiger behind me), and our natural instinct would be to run.

So it is in our intuitive nature to keep tabs on the person we’re engaging with. That is why it is easy by paying attention to someone’s eyes, to sense when someone is truly engaged or distracted. So, thinking about how this new relationship might develop and become important to you and your business can distract you from the current moment.

And being a distracted, dispassionate conversationalist is no way to lock someone into your network, because people want to feel valuable at the end of the day. So genuinely, listen with an open mind and without judgment, and no doubt the other person will feel flattered and then simultaneously have a genuine interest in you.

3. Use positive lingo within your conversation.

Compare these two similar requests…

“Hey Bill. I would like to do an interview with you on your new project by this Friday, we have very similar audiences.” (Yawn)

vs.

“Hey Bill, I’d love it if we could do a quick interview sometime soon on your new project, my audience loves your work.” (Hey, I like this guy)

While “saying” the same thing, you likely immediately realized that #2 was far more inviting and used positive language to get the same message across. Of course, be wary of over doing the positive lingo, but do come prepared with maybe phrases such as “would love to,” “that’s interesting,” and “tell me more!”

4. Start following these engagement techniques.

Whatever you do, remember people’s names, and make sure you use it at least twice in a 5-minute conversation. If you tend to have a poor memory, use techniques such as associating their names with a physical characteristic they might have such as ‘Slim Jim,’ or ‘Cool Catherine.’ There is nothing more off-putting than someone forgetting your name, because who do we value the most? Ourselves!

Match their body language from time to time, such as their stance or arm movements, so their subconscious minds register ‘you’re on the same page as them’.

Use hypnotic words, when you’re talking to them such as ‘imagine,’ so the person deflects from judging you and gains value by doing a trans-derivational search (reflects inwardly on the topic you are conveying to them). That is how you create value for them. (For more info on how to use hypnotic words, email me)!

5. Know when to exit.

Exit quickly from conversations that aren’t good matches.

Equally important in any social interaction is your ability to disconnect with people who either provide no value to you, or with whom you sense a hint of discord and competition. You will easily be able to gauge whether there is synergy or discord, through sensing your own body movements (i.e. tense muscles, constant frown, knots in your stomach etc.).

6. Imperative is the follow up.

The easiest and most efficient way is to connect through social media, whether it be Email, LinkedIn, Facebook, or the like. Refrain from hounding them straight away, in fact, leave a 1-day gap between meeting and contacting.

Mention something unique in your follow up, like something you remembered from your interactions with them, so they know it’s not a mass follow up email.

Twitter is also a great way to connect with other people prior to an event. Follow the hashtag for the event to listen to what other people are saying. It’s a quick and friendly way to connect before-hand.

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The Real Deal: Our Three Brains

There is no doubt in my heart, mind and gut that this topic is going to be the next ‘big thing’ in business and interpersonal psychology.

Esoteric teachings and practices dating back 2,500 years ago always put great emphasis on checking into one’s own innate intelligence, following “the wisdom of the heart” and “the wisdom of the gut”. Heard it all before, we might think.

But it is only in recent years where technology and modern neuroscience have advanced enough to enable this wisdom to actually come to life, and hard science presents to us that our body actually has not one, but three brains.

Yes, that’s right. We have three functioning brains running our lives at any one point in time – the cephalic brain (head), the cardiac brain (heart), and the enteric brain (gut). Each organ has complex neuro-networks and neurotransmitters, is able to store and process information, and even has neuroplasticity. The cephalic brain is known to have 50 -100 billion neurons; the cardiac brain 30 -120,000 neurons, and the enteric brain 500 million neurons.

Head, Gut and Heart

The research also suggests that there are certain prime functions for each of these brains. The head is responsible for perception, thinking and making meaning of information and its highest intelligence is in creativity.

The heart is responsible for emotion, values and relational affect, and its highest intelligence is in passion.

The gut is responsible for our core identity, self-preservation (safety), and mobilisation (the need to act), and its highest intelligence is courage.

So What Does This All Mean And Why Should We Care?

In the complex and volatile social and business environments we operate in, if we do not learn how to correctly access the innate intelligence of our three brains, we are at a distinct disadvantage. So, in order to make powerful and generative decisions, we need to align these three brains and follow a special sequence. This sequence helps make decision making much easier for leaders, coaches and parents more adept to handle their employees, clients and family.

The Magic is In This

The foundational sequence developed by well-renowned pioneers in the field, Grant Soosalu and Marvin Oka, briefly follows as below.

One must first access their heart intelligence first, get a ‘feeling’ of the situation making compassion the forefront. From the heart, one then checks in with the head where the value-based emotional states from the heart actually influences the head-brains thoughts, logic and rational processes. From the head, the decision moves back down to the heart to feel the logical decision; then to the gut to synthesize and assimilate the decision into the leaders’ identity and mobilises them into action. Lastly, the decision moves back up to the heart, where the generative change takes place and the underlying values and human connection remains the anchor point throughout the action taken. So the sequence follows: heart to head, head to heart, heart to gut, and gut to heart.

Grant and Marvin state that “adaptive and generative leadership requires integration across all three brains to bring the greatest possible intelligence.” This type of a wisdom is transformational in the way you envision the world and interact with it. With access to these three brains, leaders are able to tap into their intuitive intelligence to know how to guide wisely and hone their people, better their decisions, and improve relationships in all aspects of their lives.

For more information on the three brains see:

Neuroscience and the Three Brains of Leadership, Grant Soosalu and Marvin Oka

For more information on my services of NLP life, executive coaching and training, check out my website on www.innerhighliving.com

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