It’s a brand new year, a time most of us spend on reflection and assessing and embracing goals that can transform our lives. A time most of us decide to stop doing things that we don’t like, stop habits that don’t benefit us and start focusing solely on actions that lead to our dreams.

A few months into the New Year though, and it’s easy to distinguish between those who will achieve their goals despite the challenges and those who will give up, even under advantaged circumstances.

What distinguishes both? The main distinction is the story we tell ourselves, how we interpret our life circumstances, how we react emotionally to those, and our intentions and actions to overcome them.

Those who achieve their goals are excited about embracing them, stay focused on activities that will help them get where they want, and say no unapologetically, to what doesn’t. They focus on long term rewards and accept the hardships that come when working towards valuable goals. They tell themselves positive and empowering stories that help them stay on track and focused on their dreams.

On the contrary, those who fail to achieve their goals or give up trying, set unrealistic objectives, feel overwhelmed and find an array of excuses to stop them from eliminating bad habits and make positive choices. They tell themselves defeating, victimhood stories to justify their situation.

Which one are you?

Are you on track for your goals and feeling empowered about achieving your dreams? Transforming your life? Or are you already feeling defeated? Have you already terminated the gym membership, ignored the healthy diet, didn’t put the extra hours for your creative project, didn’t enroll for that course? Or are you waking up early, making healthy choices and doing what‘s required to bring positive changes into your life?

How The Four Levels Of Listening Work

By applying The Four Levels of Listening, a Coaching technique used by Certified Coaches and recognized by the International Coaching Federation, you can start listening to the stories you tell yourself and change those stories to your advantage.

For example a client tells the following story to their coach. When the coach listens to the story he/she tries to listen to four different levels (Situation, Emotional, Story, and Intent Level):

For example, imagine a client is telling his coach this story:

For the past month I have been trying to submit an application for my dream job. But I’ve been so busy at work and at home with visitors from abroad that whenever I try to apply, either my friends interrupt me, I must cook or something else gets in the way. (This is the first level of listening, the situation level, the facts, the details; an objective report of the situation.)

I feel stressed and anxious because the deadline for the job application is coming up and I don’t think I will make it. But the job excites me so much. (This is the second level of listening, the emotional state, the feelings – anxiety, stress, excitement.)

I’m in a terrible situation, I want to leave my job. I found a dream job that I think that I have a chance to get but I feel stuck. I can’t manage to submit the job application. I can’t. I’m too busy. I can’t. (This is the third level of listening, the interpretation level. Your personal views on a situation, your opinions, and the story you tell yourself about the situation. – I don’t, I can’t, I’m stuck.)

 It’s so hard, I must find a way to lock myself in a room and send the application. (This is the last level, the intent level, the intention, the reason why the client brings up something.)

You will realize that you can also distinguish and try to identify the four levels of listening to the stories you tell yourself – or apply it when listening to others.

We might not control the circumstances we are in – the situation level – but we can manage how we react to those circumstances – the emotional level. When we choose to interpret what happens to us from a positive lens – the story level – it propels our intentions – the intent level – with empowering and positive choices.

Coaches are expert and trained professionals who master these techniques and apply effective processes to help us move from a current situation, embrace a desired change and reach an ideal situation.

Nonetheless, by taking the time to listen to our own thoughts and the stories we tell ourselves, through the lenses of the Four Levels of Listening, we become more aware, and can start taking purposeful action to become what we want to become.

“The word ‘listen’ contains the same letters as the word ‘silent’” – Alfred Brendel

Julieta Timane

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#1 Visualisation

Visualisation has the power to bring your ideas into reality in your mind.

Daring To Live An Inspired Life – a motivational event with four international speakers took place in the Netherlands, Korzo Theather in The Hague. But the event started a year earlier, during a visualisation session.

I was in Singapore but my mind went to a space where I saw the theme, the venue and imagined the audience and four speakers. The emotions were so real that I knew that I had to bring that image to life.

Creative visualisations can help us refine our ideas and are the prelude to making our dreams come true.

#2 Collaboration

Daring To Live An Inspired Life encouraged speakers to share their stories candidly. I’d asked them to focus on the positive outcomes of changes they have experienced but also to mention the struggles. To connect with the audience and inspire them from a place of authenticity.

Through a succession of serendipitous occurrences, Elsa Regan, Juliana Ibrahim, Pascal Vatasso and Louise Mennen formed a remarkable panel. The four of them and all the others involved including the audience made it possible.

Collaborations have the power to accelerate, expand and trigger unimaginable outcomes.

#3 List The Things You Want To Bring Into Your Life

I’d asked the audience “please raise your hand if you would like to bring more positive changes into your life?” I realised immediately that everyone had some degree of improvement that they aimed to achieve.

And what about you?

List the changes you want to bring and pledge to start acting on them immediately one day at the time.

Most people don’t achieve goals not because they are unable or unskilled. They don’t achieve because they don’t know what they want and they don’t devote the time to truly focus on what they want to accomplish.

#4 Listen To Yourself

What exactly brings me satisfaction?

What feels like the right thing for me to do?

Where do I contribute the most?

Where do I bring the most value to people and the organisation?

Elsa Regan triggered the audience vividly with these questions.

What about you? Ask yourself these questions and you might be surprised with the answers.

#5 Let Go Of Who You Think The World Needs You To Be

“Loving myself means letting go of the idea I thought I needed to be, the ideas of what I thought the world expected of me and just flow through life and embrace me the way I truly was meant to be.” Juliana Ibrahim confessed during the event.

Often enough we live under others’ expectations and dreams. Is that your case? If so… this is your life and you should start living it according to YOUR wishes.

#6 Follow Your Heart

“My life has been guided by my heart and my enthusiasm. What has also been inspiring the people I’ve met. Inspiring means something (…) touching my heart.” – Pascal Vatasso shared candidly.

Be open to the people that will inspire you to change and truly follow your heart.

#7 Follow The Fire That Burns Inside You

“I don’t have to fulfil others expectations. … I can make my own choices and I can do what feels good to me. If you want to live an inspired life follow the fire that is burning inside of you.” – Louise Mennen concluded during the event.

A life lived according to your heart’s burning desires is a life full of meaning. You will know it, search for it because you are worth it.

#8 Take Ownership Of Your Happiness

So now I ask you to pause. To reflect on your life. To embrace the struggles that come with every challenge, take responsibility and truly start Daring To Live An Inspired Life. Making daily choices that will bring you closer to your dreams. Because we own that to ourselves to be happy!

And guess what…I’m already visualising another inspirational event! Our life is truly the result of what we dare to imagine!

Watch the Youtube Video Highlights of Daring To Live An Inspired Life and feel free to spread the inspiration.

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“As human beings, our greatness lies not so much in being able to remake the world…as in being able to remake ourselves.”  – Mahatma Gandhi

I grew up with a very peculiar belief about how books were written. In my young mind, a book was a pristine creation, and a good author was defined by his ability to deliver the perfect plot on his first attempt.

Strangely enough, I went through life with similar beliefs. I finished my studies, found a job, entered the career wagon, got married, became a mother, and progressed through life and career almost on automatic pilot.

During a career break in Japan, I wrote my first children’s story. I had the perfect plot, along with a great storyline and characters, so my creation should also be perfect at first attempt right?

It can happen of course, but that is more the exception rather than the rule. In brief, authors write their stories, get feedback, write second and even third drafts, and get them reviewed by editors. Once they have an agent they get even more feedback, make even more adjustments, and the perfect story is accomplished as a result of months of intentional improvements and deliberate effort.

Why should something as complex as managing your life and career be any different?

Book editors review your grammatical mistakes, question the meaning of sentences you assume to be crystal clear,  and challenge your beliefs about the consistency of  your characters and  plot. My children’s story evolved with a similar process which gave me life-long lessons on how to use feedback to my advantage, as well as insights about the self-publishing world.

Life and career coaches – Life and Career Editors, as I call them – can do exactly the same with your life and career. They are particularly effective when you are going through major transitions, facing challenges, or searching for or about to embrace a new path.

They help you recognise, and challenge, your limiting beliefs which exist at a subconscious level. Often, we don’t know that they are conditioning us until a professional points them out.

A professional coach who is emphatic and trustworthy is a member of a professional coaching organisation; has proven expertise in the areas in which you require support; and can help change your perspective, clear obstacles, and empower you to lead new ways.

Working with a life and career coach has helped me assess the in-depth reasons behind my decisions, how to overcome obstacles, and gain confidence to embrace new paths.

I’ve had the privilege of working with several coaches, either on Human resources assignments or as a coachee.  Since then, I’ve become an advocate of using specialized professionals as an accelerator for personal and career growth. These, together with a mentor, a mastermind group and professional networks can really support one’s personal development.

It’s very challenging to get life right on your first draft. Personal, career, and health coaches, therapists, healers… they can all help you find balance, redesign your life, and be deliberate towards what you want to achieve.

This text you are now reading will be revised by an editor. Our lives can be reflected upon, fine-tuned, cleared of obstacles with intentional work and specialised support.

A manuscript that has been improved several times, and received constructive feedback, has higher chances of becoming a bestseller.

Life and career fulfilment and success – no matter how you define it – can be achieved. You just need to keep intentionally rewriting and improving your personal story.

^{Edited by Michelle Sarthou
Image credit: Shutterstock}

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Several years ago, I was entering the small office of a big corporation to hand in my resignation due to an imminent family relocation.

I had done it several times before, but this time if felt bittersweet. In a few years with this company, I had grown a lot and met extraordinary people, and I felt that the journey was still incomplete. A few months later, I was living in Malaysia. My family was properly settled, but I was still struggling to adjust. My feelings of inadequacy came as a complete surprise because I’m always very positive and I had relocated to Japan, the UK and Italy among other places – and I had always adjusted quite easily.

This time, I spent months focused on my former life, missing home and my friends and doing the number one thing you should never do when you face change: comparing the new with the old – whether it’s a house, a partner, a job or a country after handling changes.

Doing this led to an initial cycle of disengagement, yet it also became a blessing in disguise because it triggered a personal development journey and a search for purpose. Now, several years later, I am happily based in Singapore and crafting a creative career, and I can share some of the most powerful lessons that I’ve learned.

Lesson # 1: Learn More About Yourself And The Reasons Behind Your Choices

What are your strengths? What are your values? Are you doing something that makes you happy? Knowing the answers to these questions will help you make effective choices and will ultimately lead to a more fulfilling life. I’ve learned a lot about myself by working through some personality tests – from Gallup Strengths Finder 2.0 to Tony Robbins Disc – and I’ve found that it’s best to combine the results of a few different tests, many of which are available online free of charge.

Lesson # 2:Take 100% Responsibility For Everything That Happens To You

I’ve learned this valuable lesson by reading Jack Canfield’s The Success Principles. As hard as it may sound, especially when we feel we have no control over a situation or things don’t turn out the way we expect, it’s actually a very empowering and liberating principle. Taking responsibility for EVERYTHING puts us in a position of total control of our life, our career and our future. Doing this triggered my voluntary charity work and my studies in Malaysia, which, at the time, gave me a tremendous sense of empowerment.

Lesson # 3:Your Power Resides In The Present Moment

Time is the most precious thing that we have, and we must use it effectively. Luckily, I learned this lesson in good time – I stopped focusing on my former life and fully embraced my life in Malaysia.

Lesson # 4: Design A Career And A Life Plan

A change of country or career, or any other type of life change, even if painful and unexpected, can bring a lot of opportunities. In Malaysia, I started drafting a career and life plan. My plan covers several areas – including career, personal development and fitness – and has clear objectives and timelines that I review periodically. A plan helps us to stay on target during our journey and also to view and celebrate our achievements. It gives us a tremendous focus and the ability to design our life.

Lesson # 5: Be Kind

It takes time to handle and adjust to change. It takes time to show our full potential, to figure out new ways of doing things, to learn our full job scope and to meet new people. We are often very demanding with ourselves and want to adjust immediately. I’ve learned that we must give ourselves time to process changes, and be kind to ourselves and others in the process. The moment I started having fewer expectations and sitting back, I started embracing my new life in Malaysia and actually leaning in and moving forward.

Lesson # 6: Stay Connected

Ours is a world of infinite possibilities, and change is the most certain aspect of our lives. I always reach a major milestone in every one of my country moves and in every other change that I experience when I start getting fully connected to other people. When you meet people that inspire you, that help you, that celebrate with you, that teach you, that impact your life, everything gets easier. Give a little more to yourself and the world will certainly open up to you. I left Malaysia in tears, grateful for the tremendous friends and experiences that I was privileged to live. Now, in Singapore, I haven’t wasted any time focusing on my former life. I have a plan and Malaysia is just a short flight away.

^{Edited by Amber Valencia
Image credit: Shutterstock}

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