Of my years working in the wedding industry, I have met more than 2,000 couples. I have always found it very fascinating to observe the way they treat and look at each other, and what their relationship is like.

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It never fails to warm my heart seeing couples who are very loving and blissful.

At the other end of the spectrum, we also see some who just don’t seem to agree with each other on many things, and sometimes say rather hurtful things to each other.

So what makes these happy couples tick? And how do you avoid being like the couples who constantly fight with each other?

Recently in a friends’ gathering, I shared with them the Five Languages of Love by Gary Chapman. Not surprisingly, most of the men did not know about it.

It is very helpful for every couple who wants a long-lasting and happy relationship to know this concept, because of what I call “the effort input to happiness output ratio”. It sounds very scientific at the moment but it really makes a lot of sense. Don’t we all want minimum effort with maximum results?

The key reason to why people feel unappreciated after putting in so much effort is because they have been putting in effort in the way that they themselves would feel loved. However, it is not the way their partners receive love. This is very much the case of mismatched frequencies.

Wouldn’t it be great for you to hit the right spot on the “G spot of happiness” every time without incremental effort?

Here’s an exercise:

Sit down with your partner, and pick a primary “language” that is the most important to you, and a secondary one. Explain to each other why you chose it and some examples of how he/she can do it.

1. Acts of Service

Nothing describes this group better than “actions speak louder than words – don’t just say you love me, show me”.

Examples:

Helping wash the dishes, helping to run an errand, or just offering help in whatever the other party is doing

2. Receiving Gifts

These people feel loved especially when they receive a gift. By no means are these people materialistic. It can also be thoughtful little gifts. It is not about the value of the gift but sometimes the thought that goes behind buying the gift.

Examples:

A happy small bunch of flowers, a handmade card, and others like bags. Pay special attention to special occasions (e.g. anniversary), and receive bonus points for “no occasion” gifts.

3. Physical Touch

This group of people are wired to feel great emotional connections to appropriate physical touches.

Examples:

Holding hands, rubbing each other’s hands when you sit beside each other, giving each other a warm embrace, and also sex.

4. Quality Time

Consciously spending time together, giving each other your undivided attention and being 100% present. People who are in this category may tend to feel neglected if not given enough quality attention by their partners. No multitasking please. All eyes on me!

Examples:

Put down what you have and dedicate time with each other and just talk. Go for a walk or have dinner together, chat about anything and everything. Be genuinely interested and engaged.

5. Words of Affirmation

This is the one that most people take for granted. Be generous with your words of appreciation, thanks and affirmation. A single “thank you” or “I love you” can go a long way.

Examples:

Praising them for things that they have done well, and give recognition when they have helped to do something, and also compliment them if they look great (or if they ask you “how do I look?”).

There was once I said on national radio that the process of planning a wedding is a relationship building exercise in itself.

 

Visit La Belle Couture page to find out more about Peiru's work.

 

 

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